I find it strange that not only have I been having sleeping problems, but I’ve been having weird dreams on top of it.
Not too long ago I had a dream that my mom was trying to kill me.
Just now I dreamt that I was in the car with Tom & Will and I had done X and was really high and repeating myself multiple times and they were making fun of me. Tom was driving and Will laughed and asked how many I had and Tom replied 2. I don’t understand,
Before that, I dreamt about Cephas. Ugh.
I’m not sure why he’s getting to me but the others available aren’t. Is it because he has a girlfriend? I don’t think it’s because he has a child, well children, because the others do as well. I know how I felt about him before but I guess I don’t know if he’s changed or not. (Oh, I just remembered that he called my pets my “kids” today :) )
Marcus has repeatedly asked for pictures even though every single time I have said no and I have told him I don’t like it before. And, he’s 30 something I think.
I don’t have much to say about Cj except that he has a way of making me do things I don’t want to do and it’s not like he peer pressures me bc when I went out in the snow he simply asked me. Having sex he has peer pressured me a few times. I’ve gotten stronger as a person and I can say no to others, so why not him?
Some people think that I’ve become a dependant and feel that I’d be lost in the world without Tony. Well, you’re wrong. I already feel lost in the world. My goals and ambitions are gone and have been for quite some time. I don’t know what I want to do in life anymore. I’m coasting along trying to find myself all over again, which is one reason why I feel like I’m 16 all over again. Only real difference is my virginity is already lost, I’m thousands of dollars in debt, and I have furry dependants. I cant even say that, I knew what I wanted then and had for years. I appreciate your concern but there really isn’t anything anyone can do or say.